dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Randomize
