The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize
