those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
Randomize
