I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
Randomize
