I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
Randomize
