i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
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