Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
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