I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
Randomize
