no but I have been chillin' like em' homeboys in the rainforest yo!
Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
Randomize
