if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
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