Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
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