honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
Randomize
