Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
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