I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
redhead is getting on the bull...again red head is getting on the bull!
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
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