Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
Randomize
