Umm I'm too high to move.
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
Randomize
