I CAN MOONWALK!
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
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