you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
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