Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
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