Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
Randomize
