got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
Randomize
