We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
Randomize
