We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
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