i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
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