Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
