You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
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