i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
Randomize
