i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
