Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
I think I have vodka in my lungs
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
Randomize
