After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
Found the puke drawer
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Randomize
