Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
Randomize
