so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
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