Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
Randomize
