I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
If lil wayne asked you to lick him like a lollipop I feel that you would willingly oblige.
Unfortunately I think I would lick most anyone's lollipop.
It's your form of community service; servicing the greater SDSU area.
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
Randomize
