Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
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