Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
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