no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
Randomize
