the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
Can you bring me the toilet please
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
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