God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
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