Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
Randomize
