I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
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