I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
Randomize
