I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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