Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
Randomize
