Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
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