I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
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