So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
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This is sufficient.
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
Randomize
