It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
Randomize
