I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
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