My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
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