they need to just BURY HIM!
between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Randomize
