I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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