as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
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