Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
We got so high we made milksteak
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
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