your parents love me but you hate me
I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
nutella sex= disaster
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
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