At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
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